I started reading through Matthew a few days ago.
I like calling in The Gospel of St. Matthew in my head, it makes me feel more important somehow.
I read the first 12 verses of chapter 7 today.
Part of it talks about not judging others,
and that's always a good reminder. Another part talks about seeing what you do wrong before you see what others do wrong.
Oh man....I don't really want to go there now, because last night all I caught a glimpse of how wrong I can be. But I'm so self deceived in areas that I quickly piled that stuff under a bunch of mental pillows and suffocated it.
(Don't worry though, God has a way of bringing that kind of stuff to the surface again).
Today I was cut wide open to the heart when I read the section titled ASK, SEEK, KNOCK.
I know some of this applies to seeking God and salvation. When you honestly seek God, you will find Him. And when you knock He always opens the door. He's a welcoming kind of fellow.
Well, I hope I'm not alone, but I spend a lot of my prayer life asking, asking, asking.
I'm at a point in my life right now that is incredibly difficult.
Some of what I have asked for has been denied or at the very least delayed.
And this question has sneaked into my mind:
Is God's plan to give me a bad life?
Because it seems like that right now.
Don't get me wrong, there are things in my life that are good, but the general trajectory of my life seems at best directionless and at worst on a hell bent on imploding or exploding...whichever comes first.
So I ask myself, "Is God giving me a rock when I ask for bread?
Is God giving me a snake to eat when I asked for Mahi Mahi?"
He says he won't. He says that good earthly dad's don't even do that. So why would a perfect heavenly dad do that bad thing?
Well, he says he will give us good gifts.
So I ask myself, "What am I not seeing?"
"Is this where I thank God for the "trials of many kinds"?"
(I'm sorry about that horrible punctuation).
Is God developing my character by testing my metal?
I find myself talking to God and saying, "Please give me bread and fish. I'm so hungry for something good."
No doubt he will deliver at some point.
He says that's who he is...and God is not a man that he should lie.
Amen.
Some of what I have asked for has been denied or at the very least delayed.
And this question has sneaked into my mind:
Is God's plan to give me a bad life?
Because it seems like that right now.
Don't get me wrong, there are things in my life that are good, but the general trajectory of my life seems at best directionless and at worst on a hell bent on imploding or exploding...whichever comes first.
So I ask myself, "Is God giving me a rock when I ask for bread?
Is God giving me a snake to eat when I asked for Mahi Mahi?"
He says he won't. He says that good earthly dad's don't even do that. So why would a perfect heavenly dad do that bad thing?
Well, he says he will give us good gifts.
So I ask myself, "What am I not seeing?"
"Is this where I thank God for the "trials of many kinds"?"
(I'm sorry about that horrible punctuation).
Is God developing my character by testing my metal?
I find myself talking to God and saying, "Please give me bread and fish. I'm so hungry for something good."
No doubt he will deliver at some point.
He says that's who he is...and God is not a man that he should lie.
Amen.
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